Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Randomize
