Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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