I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Every concussion has its silver lining
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
