I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize