i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
