Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
