why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Two words: nipple clamps
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