Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
