Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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