And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
