I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
then he tried to convert me to islam
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
i think my cat just said my name.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
