It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
