actually, I'm a sock model
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
