The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
