dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
