I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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