No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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