sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Randomize
