guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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