i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
