I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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