is your mom at the bar?
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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