your room smells of hookers.
And success
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
