I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
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