I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
You left your underwear on the fireplace
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
