There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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