if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
