Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
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