i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
