i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
