How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
