You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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