What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
