I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize