So drunk its hurt
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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