I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize