I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
