I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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