forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
