So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
