We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
