how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
