she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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