Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize