A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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