tell your sister to shave her snatch
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize