Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
