Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
