hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
