I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
