So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
