I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
