He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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