I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Randomize
