If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
