conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Someone shattered a urinal.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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