i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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