im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
