Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
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