He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
