you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
