Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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