He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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