Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
do nipples grow back?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
