I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
