you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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