Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize