dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
