lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
