his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
