i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
