she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
