I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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