trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
