love makes seman taste better
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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