Do you still have your period?
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
