im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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