I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize