remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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