I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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