Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize