Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
