How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
