He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
He better not be in your backpack
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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