it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
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