my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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