Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
