just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Edward fifth and chaser hands
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
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