Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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