Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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