As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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