She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize