I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
