she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
