If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
