I want to make a zoo with you.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Randomize
