There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize