Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
