drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize
