Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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