She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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