make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
