There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
