I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize