Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
