Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
