i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
