I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Randomize
