I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Randomize
