I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
