The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
