Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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