....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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