it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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