you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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